Lost Years

I never wanted this;
I never asked for this,
But here I am.
I look back and wonder
Where could a choice have been made?
Where did I make the wrong turn?
When was the moment
When I lost what I longed for?
The childhood dreams,
The passion,
The purpose,
My reason for being.
But if truth be known
I don’t remember,
Because I was already lost
Long before the decision came.
I was already falling,
I just hadn’t felt the pain yet
Of hitting the bottom of my abyss,
And it was much longer still
Before the pain was bearable to feel
Through my numb mind
And numb heart.
Too late.
So like a phoenix, a fallen angel,
I rise only to fall again
And again
Until the trying itself becomes unbearable.
My rage sustains me
And kills me all the same from within.
Let go. Let go.
Embrace again your reasons for being;
Embrace again the love that fueled a different kind of passion,
And find a way back home.